Wednesday, 15 June 2011

The use of "magic" and my promise to you.

Hey peeps... is that the accepted vernacular?  bah! Well I hope that you are well, and thanks for coming back to read yet another spazmatic rant from an idiot its greatly appreciated! ~Today I shall be addressing me whole "magical door complex" I know it sounds lame so if you don't want to read it then shoo! But for those with the stones to read through I salute you and call you friend... kind of like E.T, except my finger doesn't glow and I don't look like a giant rumpled scrotum... Well at least I hope I don't... I must confess I am often referred to as a "dick" ... hmm... maybe I am more like E.T than I initially thought... *sighs*

Any who,
When I talk about the magical door complex I am basically talking about (In my opinion): writers who fall short of a brilliant ending and leave a bad taste for you of them in your mouth... or you know mind.

Here is an example... you start to read a book... or watch a movie... you devote time and effort into reading it... (not so much watching a film ya big'ol couch potato) you stick through it, it builds up to a crescendo you can feel the hairs prickling up on the back of your neck, you may even bob up and down on the spot like a hungry sea lion waiting for a herring as the end approaches... The mood is set, the protagonist is in dire need of help... what's going to happen? OH MY GOD WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN I CANEE WAIT I TELL YEE! ... then *poof* you get drop kicked in the gonads with a weaker ending than a london beverage but you still get charged to the point of poverty for it...

This has happened to me a few times while reading, and its one of the reasons why I have written a book myself, I don't to disappoint you guys with a finale unless I am writing cliffhanger or just a to be continued kind of ending... but to just end a book where there was so much yet to be said/told that's just freaking wrong! Unless they plan on writing more for those characters. Maybe I am fussy... 

Another more popular example of this is with (I will name it as I hope to any deity listening that they re-do the ending) Breaking dawn... why would you get everyone together to have them use a magic FREAKING BUBBLE... SERIOUSLY?? A BUBBLE? it was like a school disco for an ending, all the boys one side the girls another too shy to make the first move so they stand there awkwardly eying each other... oh the terror... bloody hell.. what a load of constipated retardation that was...  here is my interpretation in an east side gangsta chav rendition:

Bella: "I haz a magic bubble"

Jane: " Shiznit she has a mageek bubble"

Aro: " Okay's Lataz!"

Edward: "ha they iz scared ofz your bubble wrap brrap brrap!"

thus endith the book.... now see at least in that version you can blame it on chavs... the book wasn't that merciful, I actually enjoyed reading them to a point as well.... but that was more torturous than rubbing chilli powder in my delicates... not to mention my unmentionables...

Any way I am off again as I have temporarily lost the wind from my sails so the s.s crazy is going to take a short interlude.... Oh my god, was that really as lame as it sounded? *sighs*


  1. hey lee, cool blog babes. if ya need any help let me know

  2. Thanks, Sue. I think I need a lesson or two. xD


    Bella: "I haz a magic bubble"

    Jane: " Shiznit she has a mageek bubble"

    Aro: " Okay's Lataz!"

    Edward: "ha they iz scared ofz your bubble wrap brrap brrap!"

    That is the funniest thing ever!!

  4. Grrr. Double grrr. Not too wise, girly. Your writing about the occultish witchcraft? Not too wise, girly. If all you publish is the whorizontal, where's THAT gonna gitcha when 1-outta-1 must croak? Jesus aint too thrilled by the devil and He certainly AINT too thrilled by YOUR choice to follow that PottyMouth. Lemme fill-you-up withe avant-gardeness necessary to achieve Seventh-Heaven, dear...

    Would you puh-leeze help a 'Plethora Of Wurdz' which are look'n for a new home in your novel? Yay! Whew...

    Q: Can anyone tell me the difference between K2 and IQ? A: Nthn. In Seventh-Heaven, we gitt'm both for eternity HawrHawr Need a few more thots, ideers, raw wurdz or ironclad iconoclasms? Voila!!

    VERBUM SAT SAPIENTI: As an ex-writer of the sassy, savvy, schizophenia we all go through in this lifelong demise, I just wanna help U.S. git past the whorizontal more!ass! we're in (Latin: words to [the] wise)...

    "This finite existence is only a test, son," God Almighty told me in my coma. "Far beyond thy earthly tempest is where you'll find tangible, corpulent eloquence". Lemme tella youse without d'New Joisey accent...

    I actually saw Seventh-Heaven when we died: you couldn't GET any moe curly, party-hardy-endorphins, extravagantly-surplus-lush Upstairs (in [the] end without end -Saint Augustine) when my beautifull, brilliant, bombastic girly-girl passed-away due to those wry, sardonic satires.

    "Those who are wise will shine as brightly as the expanse of the Heavens, and those who have instructed many in uprightousness as bright as stars for all eternity" -Daniel 12:3, NJB

    Here's also what the prolific, exquisite GODy sed: 'the more you shall honor Me, the more I shall bless you' -the Infant Jesus of Prague.

    Go gitt'm, girl. You're incredible. See you Upstairs. I won't be joining'm in the nasty Abyss where Isis prowls
    PS Need summore unique, uncivilized, useless names? Lemme gonna gitcha started, brudda:

    Oak Woods, Franky Sparks, Athena Noble, Autumn Rose, Faith Bishop, Dolly Martin, Willow Rhodes, Cocoa Major, Roman Stone, Bullwark Burnhart, Magnus Wilde, Kardiak Arrest, Will Wright, Goldy Silvers, Penelope Summers, Sophie Sharp, Violet Snow, Lizzy Roach, BoxxaRoxx, Aunty Dotey, Romero Stark, Zacharia Neptoon, Mercurio Morrissey, Fritz & Felix Franz, Victor Payne, Isabella Silverstein, Mercedes Kennedy, Redding Rust, Phoenix Martini, Ivy Squire, Sauer Wolfe, Yankee Cooky, -blessed b9 (or mixNmatch)...

    God blessa youse
    -Fr. Sarducci, ol SNL